Bleep bleep stupid cookbook

There are times when I really ought to pin my ears back, dig my heels in, and bray like a mule instead of allowing myself to be rushed out of a store.  This would appear to be particularly true when it comes to cookbooks.  Here are two cookbooks I picked up out of Tractor Supply's bargain book box, and thought all I needed to do was glance at the title.  Titles have fine print, also.

The Rosie's Bakery All-Butter, Cream-Filled, Sugar-Packed Baking Book
by Judy Rosenberg

My comment as this went into the cart, "How can I resist this title?"  I thought the same with this one:

Chocolate (from the Cake MIX Doctor)
by Anne Byrn

Y'all might noticed what I emphasize in the caption: "from the cake MIX doctor."  I totally missed the small "mix" hidden in the wooden spoon in the logo!  So, this afternoon I am looking for a nice nummy recipe, preferably involving cream cheese, and found several in this second book.  The problem was they all have a box of cake mix as part of the ingredients.  I go looking in the front (past all the really nice pictures of so many varieties of chocolate cake!) to see what kind of substitution for the box mix or advice on converting it to from-scratch ... instead I find a short paragraph about how you can take a box of mix and make it great ... then I finally read the "mix" part of the title.

I feel cheated.  I stopped buying cake mix boxes a few years ago when I figured out my cake pans were not growing, but the amount of mix was shrinking.  At that point, I figured it was just easier to bust out the old cookbooks and make my cakes from scratch.  (Not to mention, I have old magazines that say tuna cans used to have 7 oz of tuna, not the 5 oz today, or the 6 oz of a decade ago!)

I not only felt cheated, I said that "colorful metaphor" that hubby doesn't like.  At least that one rhymes, although any and all duck lovers here might stone me if I posted it.  I was snookered by beautiful photography of chocolate, and too dazzled to see the itty-bitty lettering that would have had me dropping the book right back into the bargain bin as if it had burned me.

I do not want this book.  First person who either emails me, or claims it in the comments here (blogspot emails me when a comment is posted, so first is still first there) will have this blasphemous cookbook.  I am still very much out of sorts about not being able to do up a chocolate chip pumpkin cheesecake.  Ah well, there is caramel cheesecake and I won't even have to substitute butter in for margarine or soybean oil (pretty much the same things, just one is solid at room temperature).  Get it while you can!  I am a bit of a book miser, but this one has no place on my shelf.

ETA: I don't do April Fools day.  This is for real.  Ya want it, just claim it.